Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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