I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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