2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
