she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
