Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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