On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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