Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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