Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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