i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
