Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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