yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
