wanna go halves on a baby?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
