Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
