Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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