The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
