i jhust puked up my retainher.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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