8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
