How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
