Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
