just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
