and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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