so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
