Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
