That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
