just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
