I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
