JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Please don't give away my fajitas
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
