well you can't waste a boner
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
