just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
