I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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