My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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