why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Alive.
So much puke
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
