HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
