wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
