I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
