I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
