In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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