I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
