whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
