are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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