I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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