Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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