I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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