the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
