I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
operation harelip BJ is a go
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
