i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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