would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
