Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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