Pappa wants mamma naked
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she told me i tasted like america
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
