I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
