1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
