I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
