so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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