Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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