you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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